Fall in line…


We live in a world where we are bombarded with information; making the greatest skill that one possess the ability to sift through and identify the true, valid and valuable.  But even with such a skill, and though you may be blessed with intelligence, the frenzied social sphere created by modern society has made it increasingly difficult to be a woman.  This dilemma goes back to the very foundation of our socialization:  what is a woman?

Any number of sites, books, philosophers and every day ‘Joe’s’ on the street will give you any number of definitions, ranging along the full gamut of perspectives and opinions.  But how does one sift through  the muck and mire to actually identify and assimilate a definition which not only works but which can bring contentment and satisfaction to the individual?

There are three titles given to a woman throughout her life: Miss, Ms. and Mrs.  When do you stop being a Miss and become a Ms?  If you are separated do you move from a Mrs to a Ms or Miss? And why is necessary for a woman to have to carry a label of her designated category throughout her life?  The other instance is the use of ‘woman’ and ‘lady’.  What makes a woman not a lady? Who decides this?  And what makes her a ‘woman’?  Why is it insulting in some instances to be called ‘woman’ and not ‘lady’?  To be a lady you have to be poised, refined and elegant; seen and not heard; caring maternal and all round perfect at the arts and human social relations.  But a woman can take care of herself, is independent, is aggressive when needed, is loving and warm, down to earth, outspoken and maternal and all round the feel good element of any situation or relation.  So different, yet amusingly, women are expected to be both.

Looking at the female relation to men.  Women are raised to understand that they are their greatest enemy and as such one should be wary of them.  They should arm themselves with knowledge, wiles, subterfuge and strength to guard  against them, while keeping the upper hand and getting all they can from them. Yet, these are the self same men they are told they have to marry and father children with.  They are the ones women are taught to honor, cherish, care for, love, respect and trust with their lives, hearts and bodies until death do they part.  But how do you love something you are taught to fear, distrust and even hate.  How do you make enough room to be the kind of wife and mother that society demands while still being the smart, independent woman, that not only other women demand but the men as well?

The line between what is acceptable and good and what is vulgar and unacceptable is so thin and feathery that it veers in the direction of whichever breeze may blow.  Yet a woman is expected to adhere to whatever delineations are set for her at the time of its landing.  And not just adhere but know it and perform it to perfection.

And the worst aspect of this entire situation is this: there is no room nor even the opportunity for a woman to be herself; it is all dictated by society and those she finds herself in a relationship with.

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